An open letter from one Autism Mum to another.

Dear Autism Mum,

There’s a lovely quote I’ve seen on social media recently ‘Autism is a journey I never planned but I sure do love my tour guide.’ This quote has really resonated with me, you see, it’s taken me nearly three years to come to terms with my son having autism. I spent a lot of time asking why has this happened? Everyday I would wake up hoping that he had advanced over night and suddenly not be autistic anymore…..Well obviously that was me being naive….he is and always will be autistic.

However, he is the purest little ray of sunshine, the happiest and most joyful little boy who finds awe and wonder in literally everything. This little ray of sunshine leaves a trail of light wherever he goes and everyone he meets ends up leaving with a huge smile on their faces. So daily life might be exhausting, every single day is a physical and mental tornado whirlwind but he makes us all roar with laughter. I liken it to raising a Gremlin, when he’s being Gizmo, he’s just so adorable, cute and fluffy but if you feed him after midnight….

I’m going to share our journey so far with you and it has certainly not been easy. I’ve had to become a different Mum to the Mum I was with my eldest. All the things that we did when my eldest was small we’ve had to completely scrap and start again with the Square Peg. He has never responded to the naughty step or rewards systems, potty training traumatised him so we stopped, weaning was a nightmare, he doesn’t show an interest in trying to read or write. So what I thought knew about parenting just doesn’t work with the Square Peg.

During this journey I’ve gone from being in denial, to trying to find a reason why, to a breakdown and now I do believe that I’m coming out the other side. After the stress of the EHCP process and then the battle to get him into a Special School I hit a low point and had to take some time off work. I was at the stage where it was really even too much effort to get dressed in the mornings…I contacted the NHS Depression and Anxiert Service and booked myself onto a CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) course and a private solution focussed hypnotherapy course with http://www.hypnotherapist-plymouth.co.uk/

I also Joined the gym, started going to Zumba, Body Combat, Slimming World and then started writing a blog. By doing all of this it enabled me to process everything that was going on in my life and now I know that I am in a position to help other autism mums.

Autism Mum, we are not like other mums. Not only do we have to come to terms emotionally that our child has Autism, we have to remain strong both physically and mentally. The constant worry about what they will become, what will happen to them when you are gone. From wrestling the day to day meltdowns and anxieties, the food issues, the sensory overload, the battles with the education system etc. It’s easy to think that we’ve failed as a Mum because of what society expects, but I’m telling you now, you really haven’t. You’ve had to cope with way more than your average Mum and that makes you a SuperMum.

Easier said than done I know but don’t listen to any negativity. There will always be people who think they are the parenting experts but be safe in the knowledge that they have absolutely no idea. Unless you have a child yourself who is autistic you cannot fully understand what daily life is like, so they can take their unwanted comments and advice and ________ off! (Fill in the blank)

Your unplanned journey will take you places you didn’t even realise were places. Stop dwelling on the whys and what ifs and let go, embrace the autism rollercoaster because it’s thrilling and fun and you can’t change it. Your gorgeous but quirky tour guide will help you to see the world in ways that no one else can.

Yes life throws some huge curveballs but I truly believe that my Square Peg was sent to us for a reason. I can either keep moaning about how tough it is or I can grow some balls and embrace it. Of course it’s not going to be easy, of course I will have times when it all gets too much again but this is my plan….

1) Have a shower

2) Get Dressed

3) Survive the day

4) Do something nice for myself e.g. have a bath, write a blog post, talk to other autism mums, go to Zumba/Body Combat, eat some chocolate, eat some ice cream etc etc

5) Go to bed.

Whatever happens you are not alone, there will always be another autism mum who has gone through something similar and will listen and offer advice.

I started this letter with a quote and I’m going to end this letter with a quote. It is from this quote that I came up with my name Mummy Of a Square Peg.

So lets join forces and make the world easier for Square Pegs.

Be kind to yourselves Autism Mums, you are doing an amazing job.

Love Mummy of a Square Peg

Xxx

Shank You Very Much
Navigating Baby

29 Comments Add yours

  1. M says:

    Thank you for sharing this honest post! I have no idea what it’s like for you and I can’t even begin to imagine. Life as a mum can be hard anyway, but it must feel so much worse on the “difficult” days for you. I’m happy to read that you are getting the other side with accepting it. Your son is an amazing boy regardless of his condition and although I cannot 100% identify or relate what I can say is that people especially mums need to be more supportive of each other and less judgemental. It’s so easy to give unwarranted opinions. Judgement comes so easy to people and I try not to do that. I have friends with autism and have held them when they felt they are failing, but as you said you’re all so much stronger and braver! I wish you both all the best and nothing but joy and happiness throughout this journey. You’re an amazing mum and he loves you unconditionally so when you feel down always remember that!! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I thought I had already replied to your comment but it appears not. Thanks for leaving such a lovely comment. It’s great to know that you support your friends when they are struggling. As an autism mum it’s so easy to think that we’ve somehow failed as a Mum but I’ve realised that is not the case at all. Xx

      Liked by 1 person

      1. M says:

        Oh you have definitely NOT failed hun. You do an amazing job. Parenting is tough but for you it’s tougher especially when having to deal with judgement and stigmas! You’re doing amazing!! Xx

        Liked by 1 person

  2. Amazing post. So honest and raw.

    I don’t have experience of Autism directly but I did work in a special school.

    I saw the daily struggle parents had, the fight they go through to help protect their children.

    But I also spent so much time with some wonderful children who have autism and they really do make the world a better place. They hold my heart forever x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for the lovely comment. They really do make the world a better place. X

      Liked by 1 person

  3. What a refreshing post, honest and raw and genuine, just exactly what others will need to read to feel less alone. I love that new parents have the internet now, it sure would have helped me when I had young kids, they’ve all flown the nest now. Last one off to uni in sept x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. As my eldest is 8 we did have the internet and I joined a forum and that was really helpful. Hope your kids have a fab time at Uni and Mummy doesn’t get too sad. I imagine that must be really tough. Big hugs 🤗

      Like

      1. So tough when they leave, but immensely rewarding too. 2 grandchildren due this year I’m sure to be kept busy.

        Like

  4. What a gorgeous post. I’m sure other Autism Mum’s out there will find it very refreshing and honest! x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I really hope it helps other Mums.

      Like

  5. A lovely post. I think you’re incredible – all mums of children with special needs are. Thank you for sharing your experiences so more people understand autism! #itsOK

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you! I’m hoping it will also help other autism Mums to realise that they’re not alone.

      Liked by 1 person

  6. This is a lovely post dear… I can’t even begin to imagine the daily battles and trials (kids are often a pain in the butt), but you Super Mums have so much more to deal with on so many levels. I salute you all! This will definitely give other mums who are struggling hope.
    PS: I love the square peg quote!!!
    #itsok

    Like

    1. Thank you for your lovely comment. I really hope this post does help other autism mums because it so easy for us to think that we’ve somehow failed as Mothers but I know now that we totally haven’t. Xx

      Like

  7. endardoo says:

    Fantastic post … I can only imagine you have captured the range of feelings experienced as the parent of an autistic child, and the pain of dealing with educational systems not geared towards those beyond the mainstream. But there is such a wonderful strain of optimism and practical, hard-earned wisdom running through your post. Acceptance seems to have been key, and then turning to dealing in the best way with your son’s situation, and your own. Bravo! #DreamTeam

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such a lovely comment. It is such a shame that we have to battle with the education system. Maybe one day there’ll be more funding and hopefully that will help. I feel like I’ve turned a corner and stopped thinking that I’ve somehow failed as a mother and actually I’m doing a damn good job.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. This is such a beautiful letter! Really stunning. I think so many parents are going to see this and catch your hope and determination… because it feels really infectious and totally leaps off the page! I love the sense of acceptance and joy that you have found as a result. Fab quotes and so nice to find out why you’re called ‘mummy of a square peg’! Thanks for joining us for the #DreamTeam xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for this wonderful comment. I really hope it does help lots of Mummies who are still coming to term with it! Xx

      Liked by 1 person

  9. What an open and honest post! I’ve never understood the negativity from other mums towards autism mums and their children. Being a mum is bloody hard work albeit with the best rewards so throw some additional needs into the mix and it’s a long hard slog to get those moments to make it all worthwhile. I admire anyone raising a child with additional needs, my heart is with you. #DreamTeam

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such a lovely comment. It’s been a tough old time but I’m gradually coming out the other side. X

      Like

  10. I hope this raises awareness about the struggles that ‘autism mums’ (and dads face) and encourages them to support each other. Thanks for linking up with #globalblogging

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ooh Thank you so much! Glad you liked it!

      Like

  11. Wow, this is such an openly written and beautiful post! Thank you for sharing this journey with us! You are one brave and strong mama! x #itsok

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for such a lovely comment!

      Like

    1. Yay! I’m so excited to be the featured blogger this week! What a lovely comment thank you x

      Like

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